I have this feeling like I am pregnant all the time. I have all the signs of pregnancy - I am heavy, dreamy and moody. I am not at the child bearing age anymore. I am pregnant with creative ideas. My birth channel connects my dream realm with the magical womb of the Universal mother - the source of creativity. Through dreams, visions and inspirations, those ideas shake me and tease me with the richness of their potential. They want to materialize, to become a form and presence here on Earth. The problem is that I am not ready yet. I need to stay pregnant for a while and nurture myself, to build my birth channel muscles and to prepare the space for ideas to go through me and to land on this Earth. So I ask my big plans for programs and future books to wait. I exercise my creative motherhood on small projects. They are scouts for the main army. They test if I can receive them, shape them and nurture them, and give them a material body in this world. I try my best to serve as a welcoming host in this dance with the Universe. My abilities are very limited though - fighting, running away and saying fuck you are quite comfortable actions for me, building and maintaining require much more efforts. I am challenged with written expression in both languages I speak. I am inpatient. I am also not very loyal and try to attend to several of my babies at the same time.
But still something happens from time to time. A seminar idea, an exercise, a small articles or a poem goes through. Every time when I am able to give birth to some baby of my creation I feel super proud as a mother. I did it, the baby is here! They are tiny and probably won’t have a long life. Most of them are mayflies, which can live only for several hours. But I am joyfully proud of them. And I hope to shape my creativity birth channel to catch bigger prey.